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Taking a poll.  Vote Yea or Nay

My overall stance is that it is not a good idea.  Although there are exceptions to every rule, it is almost impossible for a parent to be unbiased in their treatment or assessment of their own child.  Either too critical or alternatively view the performance through rose colored glasses.  Even if somehow you're able to remain objective, the optics are bad and leave yourself and team open to criticism.

Youth - Yea - in most cases dads are needed at this level as you don't get a ton of people volunteering to coach 3-6th graders.

MS - Nay- not a good idea if you have alternatives

HS - Nay - not a good idea if you have alternatives

There are a bunch of variables:

1. Qualification of the coach - better be rock solid.

2. Player's talent - As the player's talent level goes down, the number of questions goes up.

3. team performance - If you go 10-0 there will be questions but they won't be very loud.  If you go 1-9 look out.

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Not in the Head Coach position, but have had the honor and the privilege of being able to coach all 3 of my sons.  I feel there is nothing wrong at any level if you can seperate the athlete from the child.  I've always let the HC make final call on starting.  Luckily, I'm able to leave the whistle in the truck when I get home and not discuss anything unless my sons bring it up.  But there will always be those who question the coaches kid playing over someone else.  Happens in the workplace all the time.

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There is no one way to frame this...

In some smaller communities there just aren't many qualified coaches. Sometimes a dad may be the most qualified guy. I can say I've coached with several dads over the years, and I've never had an issue at all. It needs to be laid out there the expectation of team above kid, but if you go in with that, I think you've done what you can. Like I said, I've had no bad experience with it at the high school level. Some weren't terribly qualified, but it was all we had and they did what they could and weren't a pain. Others were highly qualified and were some of the best coaches we had. 

Now you want to talk MS and youth level? I've seen plenty of problems there with how dad coaches are. 

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Yea*

I've seen it done well, and I've seen it done miserably.

I coached my daughter in Softball. I think we both would agree it went pretty well. We both shared a passion for a sport, and that was really cool. At a time when most of my contemporaries barely spoke to their daughters, I felt like we not only talked, but I felt like she still valued what I had to say, or was interested in my opinion. It doesn't come without it's downfalls, she was a pretty good player, never really got the accolades from the coach in the paper that she deserved, When games got out of hand either way, she was always the first to sit, so others could play, she was the one that got yelled at practice, many times to make a point to another kid who I knew I couldn't yell at. She knew she always had to do more than everyone else, and I think she accepted that and went above and beyond.  I didn't coach her travel team, so I think that helped. I thought both of us did a really good job of separating the dad/daughter coach/player relationships. There were always nay sayers, we both heard the snarky comments, "the only reason she wins all those awards is because her dad's the coach", that sort of crap. As I said many times, the people who mattered got it, and the ones who didn't get it, didn't matter. 

Now with all that being said, the day she graduated, my coaching gig got a LOT easier.  

MS and youth, it's probably a necessary evil at most schools. Qualified coaches are not standing in line to take those jobs. Depending on the situation, the HC or someone has to lay out a clearly defined plan and have expectations for how the program will run. 

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It can be a positive or negative at lower levels given how involved the league's administration is, the pedigree of the parent, and the need for the varsity HC to heard in the community if he or she can't have direct contact with the feeder programs. 

The best is to have an experienced youth coach, who is trusted and prepared by the time their children will become their players. 

At the varsity level in football, even relatives of (assistant) coaches had it harder and were often the first to be called out when an issue cropped up. 

I also understand now why it makes sense sometimes for a coach to take a step back and enjoy watching their children play HS sports instead of staying on the bench. Also, I've seen HoF SS baseball coach Kuester coach three of his sons without issue on the state level. I believe all played in college and some have gone on to coach. 

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So many variables on this one to sort out for me. It depends on the parent, the kid, and the situation. Most youth teams are going to have dads & step dads coaching. A few middle schools and high schools as well. Luckily, I have saw more positives than negatives in that regard. Most negatives don't focus on the child, but the team just losing in general. I've coached with dad's in our youth league and they've been able to not cross the line and do a great job.

I was coached in youth baseball by my dad, and didn't enjoy it. He would come down hard on me for anything, but we had an awful team (think Bad News Bears). All 3 of the coaches from that team coached their son or step son. One ended up being a varsity wrestling coach. All 3 were hard on us like I said, but we happened to be the best players on a team of "misfits". They wanted us to be the examples for the kids who didn't have great family lives. To them it wasn't about baseball, but showing discipline to kids who were new to it. Being young, we didn't get that until years later. Plus the ball organization was once a very strong one that was almost folding due to the bigger towns having new facilities. We got all of the kids who were cut or were labeled behavioral issues. So happens my great grandfather, great uncles, uncles, and etc had been part of building the "glory years" so that pressure was on my dad & staff as well. The worst part was we had to join the super competitive Ohio teams across the line making winning impossible. I will credit my dad & his staff for making me a better coach in youth sports from those hard lessons. I think those guys would have saw more success if they would have been coaching in the "easier" leagues and could have had winning build upon the discipline. I did notice though that those "troubled" kids respected the coaches more than any adult they were with in that time.

Pretty soon I'm going to be put in that position as a step father first and then father. I had made a choice earlier that I would not coach because I didn't want them to have the negative experiences. I may change my mind, and in a way I have some. Watching my step daughters play basketball, I could feel the urge to throw at some pointers for improvement. I've learned to bite my tongue and wait for them to ask. That can also be a tough one, because I'm brutally honest. However, I try to only point out the effort/heart/hustle things that could be better. I do make it a point to end the conversation on any positive note possible. I've held out so far in coaching the step son in flag football. However, I had been thrown into the youth wrestling to help out him and other club members. Other kids I say only positives. Step son gets the honest truth like his sisters, but once again it always ends with a positive. Time will tell for my kids. I do know that my youth football players, wrestlers, and even my cousins' kids have always wanted me to help coach them or give them advice when some leagues have been short staffed. Hopefully that means I'm at least doing something right.

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On 9/28/2020 at 12:56 PM, Purdue Pete said:

Taking a poll.  Vote Yea or Nay

My overall stance is that it is not a good idea.  Although there are exceptions to every rule, it is almost impossible for a parent to be unbiased in their treatment or assessment of their own child.  Either too critical or alternatively view the performance through rose colored glasses.  Even if somehow you're able to remain objective, the optics are bad and leave yourself and team open to criticism.

Youth - Yea - in most cases dads are needed at this level as you don't get a ton of people volunteering to coach 3-6th graders.

MS - Nay- not a good idea if you have alternatives

HS - Nay - not a good idea if you have alternatives

There are a bunch of variables:

1. Qualification of the coach - better be rock solid.

2. Player's talent - As the player's talent level goes down, the number of questions goes up.

3. team performance - If you go 10-0 there will be questions but they won't be very loud.  If you go 1-9 look out.

If The Head Coach is not a dad to a player and has a strong personality and control of his program and communicates dad bias won’t be allowed, it’s usually fine.  Unless, you have 5 or so on your staff.  Although, at Dwenger, it seems to be a requirement to coach there.  So far it had been fine.  It will be interesting to see when some of the younger coaches kids make it to HS.  Could be an ugly few years. Hopefully not.  

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On 9/29/2020 at 7:24 PM, Basementbias said:

So many variables on this one to sort out for me. It depends on the parent, the kid, and the situation. Most youth teams are going to have dads & step dads coaching. A few middle schools and high schools as well. Luckily, I have saw more positives than negatives in that regard. Most negatives don't focus on the child, but the team just losing in general. I've coached with dad's in our youth league and they've been able to not cross the line and do a great job.

I was coached in youth baseball by my dad, and didn't enjoy it. He would come down hard on me for anything, but we had an awful team (think Bad News Bears). All 3 of the coaches from that team coached their son or step son. One ended up being a varsity wrestling coach. All 3 were hard on us like I said, but we happened to be the best players on a team of "misfits". They wanted us to be the examples for the kids who didn't have great family lives. To them it wasn't about baseball, but showing discipline to kids who were new to it. Being young, we didn't get that until years later. Plus the ball organization was once a very strong one that was almost folding due to the bigger towns having new facilities. We got all of the kids who were cut or were labeled behavioral issues. So happens my great grandfather, great uncles, uncles, and etc had been part of building the "glory years" so that pressure was on my dad & staff as well. The worst part was we had to join the super competitive Ohio teams across the line making winning impossible. I will credit my dad & his staff for making me a better coach in youth sports from those hard lessons. I think those guys would have saw more success if they would have been coaching in the "easier" leagues and could have had winning build upon the discipline. I did notice though that those "troubled" kids respected the coaches more than any adult they were with in that time.

Pretty soon I'm going to be put in that position as a step father first and then father. I had made a choice earlier that I would not coach because I didn't want them to have the negative experiences. I may change my mind, and in a way I have some. Watching my step daughters play basketball, I could feel the urge to throw at some pointers for improvement. I've learned to bite my tongue and wait for them to ask. That can also be a tough one, because I'm brutally honest. However, I try to only point out the effort/heart/hustle things that could be better. I do make it a point to end the conversation on any positive note possible. I've held out so far in coaching the step son in flag football. However, I had been thrown into the youth wrestling to help out him and other club members. Other kids I say only positives. Step son gets the honest truth like his sisters, but once again it always ends with a positive. Time will tell for my kids. I do know that my youth football players, wrestlers, and even my cousins' kids have always wanted me to help coach them or give them advice when some leagues have been short staffed. Hopefully that means I'm at least doing something right.

Heritage Hills has been very fortunate in having former star athletes (all-state, some collegiate-level) coaching feeder programs in many sports and it has reflected in varsity success. During the Bob Clayton years, a very disciplined man, Robert Compton, coached 7-8th grade for 25 or so years (yes he coached his sons). He understood it was a numbers game, so HH was notorious for losing to schools like Jasper and Southridge in Middle School, but turning the tide in high school.

Generations have lined up correctly, so by the time a youth coach's children are active, they either have been promoted to freshman/JV/varsity teams or they step back and take a few years off so they can watch their children on the field/court. HH's only state championship football team in 2000 was the first class to go all the way through a dedicated 5-6th grade feeder program (not directly supported by the varsity team, but the people running Booster Organization for the varsity team were effectively the same as for the youth teams, albeit under a different organizational name). They were also the first class to go through 5-6 years of weight training by a strength coach (former Jasper player under Brewer who went to IU, majored in biology, became a male cheerleader who was 245 of pure muscle, and landed at HH as a science teacher ... in his later years he went on to teach on US military bases and has taken up a love for road cycling ... currently in Italy -- let's just say his 6-3 frame is quite different than Lance Armstrong's).

So in conclusion, you need to fill the feeder leagues with coaches who understand the bigger picture and ideally went through the varsity program or at least understand it. This doesn't only apply to football, but I've seen it at different schools in soccer, basketball, and baseball... The "individual sports" can be a bit different, as you typically see more specialization, but a dedicated HC who hangs around the local golf course and can start grooming golfers from middle school can make you a conference and sectional contender very quickly, again no favorites -- field the best four and alternate that you can and let the chips fall where they may.

HS sports is a community effort. Period.

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I coached my son in baseball until his 8th grade year, all in Rec.  We both loved it. I will say, I had the benefit that he was legit one of the better players each year.  Not sure I would want to coach him in "school sports"

One if the things I developed early on with him was the minute we got into the car, he would start talking about the game.  I would stop and ask if he wanted to talk to dad or coach.  He almost always asked for coach.  He wanted to get better.  He is now in HS, and plays three sports, and while I miss being on the field with him, I love to just watch.  I would never trade those memories.  

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22 hours ago, Football50dad said:

I coached my son in baseball until his 8th grade year, all in Rec.  We both loved it. I will say, I had the benefit that he was legit one of the better players each year.  Not sure I would want to coach him in "school sports"

One if the things I developed early on with him was the minute we got into the car, he would start talking about the game.  I would stop and ask if he wanted to talk to dad or coach.  He almost always asked for coach.  He wanted to get better.  He is now in HS, and plays three sports, and while I miss being on the field with him, I love to just watch.  I would never trade those memories.  

Would / could / should  U Coach him now in HS?

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  • 2 weeks later...

It has taken many times thinking about posting this. My dad was my coach for many years. He was always harder on me than anyone else. He knew what the perception was of a dad coaching a son. It wasn't easy but it was worth it. Some of the old timers on here might remember him as HuskyWarrior. He passed away about a month ago and as I am preparing for our first round game this week I could not help but think of him. Those from Nobelsville, Warren Central, and Hamilton Heights might remember best. But if you ever went to a Bishop Dullaghan camp from 2000-2010 there is a good chance you met him coaching there.  https://www.newsandtribune.com/sports/high-school-football-a-coach-called-dad/article_db7b826c-fed8-11ea-a4bc-af1810763fe0.html

Also, I would like to thank the coaching community who reached out to me the week of his passing. 

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1 hour ago, qbcoach13 said:

It has taken many times thinking about posting this. My dad was my coach for many years. He was always harder on me than anyone else. He knew what the perception was of a dad coaching a son. It wasn't easy but it was worth it. Some of the old timers on here might remember him as HuskyWarrior. He passed away about a month ago and as I am preparing for our first round game this week I could not help but think of him. Those from Nobelsville, Warren Central, and Hamilton Heights might remember best. But if you ever went to a Bishop Dullaghan camp from 2000-2010 there is a good chance you met him coaching there.  https://www.newsandtribune.com/sports/high-school-football-a-coach-called-dad/article_db7b826c-fed8-11ea-a4bc-af1810763fe0.html

Also, I would like to thank the coaching community who reached out to me the week of his passing. 

Awesome article coach, thanks for sharing.  

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