Football50dad Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 Today I saw this posted on a Facebook page for the town that I live in. I am curious how people feel this should be handled by the player/parent, in regards to addressing with coach/school. (This is a text the player sent to his mom when she asked why he was upset. Parent posted it on Facebook asking for advice) "Kids on team [football] won't even let me in the locker room because of my attendance to lifting. But then this one kid pushed me and told me to grab my *hit after making fun of me for after adhd. And making fun of where I grew up and *hit. I don't want to even be on the team if the team "role models" are going to be treating me like that" Now, I don't know anymore, like who the kid is, though I do know he is part of the current Freshman class at the local (and only) high school in town. The current Freshman class has been highly talked about around town for two or three years as the group that will bring a State title back to town, and started their high school careers by going 9-0 this fall. I am just curious how you would advise player or parents to proceed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irishman Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 While there are a lot of questions that need to be answered, talking to the coach is a must. Let him know about the incident. Go up the ladder (start with coach, then AD, then Principal) if there is not a response to what all is going on or why this is happening. One consideration is that the coach may not be aware this is going on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobref Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 I would hope the returning team leadership could handle this in-house. This is what team captains are for — keeping the players together, as a “team.” A chance to demonstrate leadership by the captains including this kid as an example to the rest of the team how to behave. At the same time, this kid also needs to be told that if he wants to be a part of the team, there are standards he needs to meet. Attendance at off season workouts is one of them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DT Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 10 hours ago, Bobref said: I would hope the returning team leadership could handle this in-house. This is what team captains are for — keeping the players together, as a “team.” A chance to demonstrate leadership by the captains including this kid as an example to the rest of the team how to behave. At the same time, this kid also needs to be told that if he wants to be a part of the team, there are standards he needs to meet. Attendance at off season workouts is one of them. Do kids at this age really have the emotional maturity to provide this kind of leadership? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snrmike Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 4 minutes ago, DT said: Do kids at this age really have the emotional maturity to provide this kind of leadership? Was that a serious question? This is a teaching and learning experience. Isn't this what scholastic activities is all about? What better time than now to teach young and aspiring leaders how to handle these sorts of situations? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobref Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 10 minutes ago, DT said: Do kids at this age really have the emotional maturity to provide this kind of leadership? Perhaps not. But this is how you determine if you have real leaders. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DT Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 18 minutes ago, snrmike said: Was that a serious question? This is a teaching and learning experience. Isn't this what scholastic activities is all about? What better time than now to teach young and aspiring leaders how to handle these sorts of situations? Absolutely Kids can be brutal at this age. Leadership qualities are developed over time throughout the high school years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BTF Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 Sounds to me that this goes deeper than just missing workouts. If one of the better players was missing workouts, would he be left out of the locker room? This is a bullying issue and has less to do with not showing up for lifts. I would go straight to the head coach and make sure the issue is addressed. Sounds to me like there is an overall culture issue on that team. Ninety percent of the time, it starts with the top. Be nice, but firm at the same time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impartial_Observer Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 Oh Jesus, please don't be Roncalli! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muda69 Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 1 hour ago, DT said: Absolutely Kids can be brutal at this age. Leadership qualities are developed over time throughout the high school years. Agreed. Being elected the Senior Patrol Leader of an active Scout troop and taking the responsibility seriously will help to development leadership qualities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Nowlin Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 many programs have "leadership counsels" that work with the coaches of the program to discuss these type of issues if they arise. I am with @Irishman 1st step, TALK TO HC sidenote: Facebook is truly the cesspool of the internet 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BTF Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 1 hour ago, Coach Nowlin said: many programs have "leadership counsels" that work with the coaches of the program to discuss these type of issues if they arise. I am with @Irishman 1st step, TALK TO HC sidenote: Facebook is truly the cesspool of the internet And many coaches have leadership classes for their upperclassmen. It's the difference between a good program and a "play pretend" program (not really a program at all). Kids who lock a teammate out of a locker room and physically assault him are being taught nothing about leadership. Starts at the top. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sr1 Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 On 12/16/2019 at 10:23 PM, Bobref said: I would hope the returning team leadership could handle this in-house. This is what team captains are for — keeping the players together, as a “team.” A chance to demonstrate leadership by the captains including this kid as an example to the rest of the team how to behave. At the same time, this kid also needs to be told that if he wants to be a part of the team, there are standards he needs to meet. Attendance at off season workouts is one of them. The IHSAA by-laws disagree with you on this statement "At the same time, this kid also needs to be told that if he wants to be a part of the team, there are standards he needs to meet. Attendance at off season workouts is one of them." Off season attendance can not be a standard to being on the team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonzoron Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 20 hours ago, Muda69 said: Agreed. Being elected the Senior Patrol Leader of an active Scout troop and taking the responsibility seriously will help to development leadership qualities. Mormons pulling 400,000 youths out of struggling Boy Scouts https://onenewsnow.com/ap/religion/mormons-pulling-400000-youths-out-of-struggling-boy-scouts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impartial_Observer Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 7 hours ago, sr1 said: The IHSAA by-laws disagree with you on this statement "At the same time, this kid also needs to be told that if he wants to be a part of the team, there are standards he needs to meet. Attendance at off season workouts is one of them." Off season attendance can not be a standard to being on the team. Agreed. And when I was a HC I never made them mandatory. However competition for rosters spots (we did cut kids) began when open gyms started. If you weren't there you couldn't compete. And I will admit our conditioning program sucked, it was hard, and part of the deal was to weed out kids who really didn't want to play Softball. I had an assistant coach who was into the whole fitness thing, she was into it and did the program with the players. The OP leaves a lot to be desired as far as information, and there are always three sides to every story. I don't have a problem with team leaders handing a situation like this. From what we can see, this situation wasn't handled in the best manner, but again we only have one very poorly explained story. As an aside it's from FB which lends an even greater degree of credibility. We used a 10 week leadership program when I was coaching with varying degrees of success with it. I coached girls and sometimes high school girls leading high school girls is akin to pushing a rope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Football50dad Posted December 18, 2019 Author Share Posted December 18, 2019 The school is in Illinois. I agree with most of what is being said here. A few points I made to the mother who posted. -I think it is important for her to have her son take the lead on talking to the coach/AD. She should feel free to be involved, but at this age, I think it is vital that the player be in charge of the situation. -talent of said athlete should not, and I don't believe is, the issue here. HS is where many athletes decide the commitment is not worth the time required. Lifting is practice, period. Unless there is a reason, like another sport or similar, that the player is not at lifting, it is an issue. -I am never ok with bullying, but I have seen way more times where words between a more intense teammate and one who is on the fence about fully committing has been termed bullying, when that is not at all the case. This happens a lot when the parents of the kid is not use to the HS sports mentality. I agree that this is a great chance for the young team leaders to step up and explain to all teammates what is expected, both as the player not coming to lifting, and to those trying to pressure the kid to get there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbat Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 51 minutes ago, Impartial_Observer said: We used a 10 week leadership program when I was coaching with varying degrees of success with it. I coached girls and sometimes high school girls leading high school girls is akin to pushing a rope. More like pushing a rope covered with honey and fire ants. I recall many, many years ago talking with a coach who coached girls' soccer about the difference between coaching young boys and young girls. For the most part, many of the challenges were very similar although the glaring point seemed to be the grudges. He said that, when boys got crossways with each other during practice it was usually over with by the end of the the next water break during practice. He said that, with his girls, it was probably going to still be there next season. 😃 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impartial_Observer Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 1 hour ago, foxbat said: More like pushing a rope covered with honey and fire ants. I recall many, many years ago talking with a coach who coached girls' soccer about the difference between coaching young boys and young girls. For the most part, many of the challenges were very similar although the glaring point seemed to be the grudges. He said that, when boys got crossways with each other during practice it was usually over with by the end of the the next water break during practice. He said that, with his girls, it was probably going to still be there next season. 😃 I coached girls for many years, and was still learning the last day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykidssportsfan Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 Definitely start with a meeting with the coach. Facebook shouldn't be your first resort. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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